Twice upon a Time

Is there even a problem? I know what I want and how to get there. So there's nothing to worry about, I guess. Maybe I'm just fooling myself and making this bigger than it really is.

I'm gonna make a salad. Then I'll go buy some cigarettes. Then I'll go to bed. I've already done the laundry and the dishes and watched some interesting document which I'm going to finish after making the salad. I should do my homework or something but.........since when have I ever done it?

Makkara
Makkaraa minä paistelen
:)

I'm hopelessly hooked on FMA -brotherhood- anime and I can't stop watching it. Too bad I have a math exam tomorrow and it's an important one since I've failed it once already.

Ok. Two more episodes. Then I'll start studying. I will.

I'm scared.


(And this is so pointless entry it almost makes me cry.)

Nothing seems to go well right now. I have no idea what to do next.

Ok, so, first of all, I overslept. I had class at 8am but...well, I woke up at 3pm. Haha, nice. I guess I had a really bad headache or something.

And I think I'm getting sick again. Ooh, isn't it even nice <3 I'm cold and my nose is killing me and my head is doing something funny. I don't really know.

I downloaded Gakuen Heaven PC game but I couldn't make it work. I also downloaded Haru wo daiteita PC game which worked but it was in Japanese and I couldn't understand a word. I finished it in 5 minutes and kinda died since wtf, I have no idea what I did and what happened. Expect it had a steamy bath scene and I giggled like an idiot.

I need to get the Gakuen Heaven game. It's for PS2, too, but I can't find it anywhere.

I just heard that my flatmate has been two-faced. It's not a surprise but I'm still feeling shitty. It was about the party I was mad at her earlier. Back then I told her what I thought of it and the stuff she did to me and how hurt I was and why. A friend of hers and mine visited me yesterday and she said what my flatmate had told her then. She had said something like "She just kept nagging for 15 minutes and I tried to be nice to her so that she wouldn't be mad at me" like she didn't care a damn about me and my feelings. She faked being sorry. That's so good to hear since it was the first time I really was honest with her and told her what I thought. You know? I explained everything and she didn't give a shit. She faked so that she could throw the party. Like I said, it's not a surprise but it's still not nice to hear it like that. Especially when she told me that she was sorry and felt bad since I felt bad for it and she told that she cares about me etc.

The funny thing is that the girl who told me this is also my flatmate's friend. She said some bad things about her to me yesterday and I was like "....yeah." How am I supposed to trust her? She might be talking shit about me to my flatmate, too.

Thinking about this gives me a headache. I don't know who I can trust anymore. Both of them have told me that I can trust them but......it seems like I can't.

Perhaps I should stop talking to people about things that really matter. It would be easier that way. I should talk about things that don't really matter so that they couldn't spread things about me.

This is why I don't like people and having relationships. You can never trust anyone. Why can't I just remember it?

I've decided something ! It's not very cool but yeah. And no, I won't tell you (unless you ask nicely)!



(btw, Melody Gardot is awesome)

I think I should explain something but I'm not sure if I can.

So, I watched this shonen-ai anime called Gakuen Heaven (which sucks) and got instantly addicted since it's characters amuse me. Not all, but too many of them. And why? Because they look like characters in other animes I've seen! And a couple of them are a lot like them.

I'll show you.

( Seriously, tell me you see it too )
Some of the other characters in Gakuen Heaven remind me of other characters, too, but I haven't figured out whom. And it's funny since I don't actually watch a lot of anime.

Hi all!

I'm serious about it. I am going to Japan next summer but there's only one little problem: company. Money isn't a problem since I'm gonna get it no matter what. I'll take loans or whatever but I have to get there. And I know this is the Chance. I won't be going anywhere if I don't do it next summer since next year I'll be somewhere playing my poor-student-role. It has to be next summer or never.

I'm begging you! Someone, please please please come with me! Fabulous Japan is calling! Imagine those pretty boys and girls and cool clothes and cute accessories!

And I need you to be really committed to it. No cancellation! Let's make a deal, do some planning and buy tickets.

Seriously, anyone?

So, you guys should know by far that I'm sick and tired of this current lazy-boyish-messy look of mine. I'm gonna change it. It's not just that it's so uncool and messy and boyish but it's not what I want. There's nothing wrong with uncool messy boyish styles if it is what one wants to be. I don't want to. I do wear that kind of clothes I want to but I don't wear the clothes I want to. There's always been limits to my style such as me being chubby and stuff. Since I've been talking about my losing weight project I want to tell about the projects I'll start after reaching my weight goal. And that's clothes.

I need a new style but I'm still not completely sure what kind of style is it I want to aim at. I'm trying to collect my thoughts here, that's why this entry is so.....well, messy.

My Style Will Be Like....uhh well

Ok, so what's the most important in my style

1. It has to be ME
- I don't want to be fake or a copycat. I want something original since there's nobody else like me (blah blah blah) and well, I want people to know that it's me. But there's this problem I'm not sure what I'm like. I'm a bit....well, random.

2. It has to be "easy"
- By this I mean that it needs to be easy to find cool clothes and stuff to wear. I don't like running around 3254 stores before I find one damn shirt.  And still, it needs to be original so I can't just go to a local H&M store and buy everything I need. Do you know what I mean? Easy enough to find but hard to see everywhere?

3. It has to be girly
- But not too much.

4. It has to be colorful
- But again, not too much. I like black and I think it will be the basic color but I want some other nice colors too, like white and grey and pink and red and maybe some yellow and green and blue. I'm not familiar with wearing bright colors anymore but I miss them. They look good with black, I mean, small details.

5. It has to have variety
- This is very important. I need clothes to fit my feelings & asdf stuff. I need a style that will do everywhere. I want to mix a bit of everything and create something new. Lol that sounds stupid but so does the rest of this entry. Anyway, I need a style that includes wearing heels, UGGs, boots, ballerinas and even some platforms........that's the thing that causes me the most problems. I guess I'll have to give up my old Demonias...........sob.

6. It has to fit my budget
- I'm a poor student so I really can't afford to buy 250e purses or 300e jeans. It sucks but hey, it's always a pleasure to buy two bags full of clothes in one purse's price. Besides this shouldn't be too hard since I love sewing and you can find great fabrics in a very low price.

7. ACCESSORIES!!!!!! I hate it when I don't have any. I feel so bare.

Lol. The thing I said earlier about not wantig to be fake.........makes me kinda laugh. Since hey, if you make lists about A New Style, c'mon, doesn't that kinda scream: FAKE!!!!!!!!!!1111 ?

This thing amuses me.

First (a bit late, though) : HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Okay, so, let's get to the point. (what point? There's never a point in my entries....)

My clothes~~ my clothes~~ my clothes~~

I need so much new stuff!!!!!!!!!!

I'm starting a series called "What I COULD Wear - The Contents of My Wardrobe [R-18]"

To everyone's surprise, the "series" is about my clothes/shoes/bags&stuff I like to wear (not including my panties & bras, sorry guys). But  why? As you might have noticed I don't like my clothes. And that's exactly why. I need to prove to you that my clothes are DULL and I don't actually have any. Or, quite a few.

You know what? The series "What I COULD Wear - The Contents of My Wardrobe [R-18]" starts TODAY! Woohoo!

( What I COULD Wear - The Contents of My Wardrobe [R-18] - Part ONE; dresses )


AND HEY! Leave a comment. I know you have something to say. Tell me at least that my clothes are ugly or something, I'll be happy!

I was checking the dates of Emilie Autumn's Europe tour and was shocked since she wasn't planning to come to Finland. Though she'll give us more dates tomorrow (or later today) and I really hope she'll come here <3 Really. I've seen her twice already but it's not enough. I'm afraid I'm having my exams when she's coming if she does. I'm gonna cry if she won't. And do something hasty.

I noticed that I haven't felt this good in a looooong time.

I'm so happy <3 4,8 kgs to go and then new jeans!

This is working but........I guess there really is something wrong. And for some reason, I don't mind.

Sigh.

I remember promising to post some random comics here, so here's one!
( Click to see a random DMC comic )

I know I shouldn't but I just have to and I fucking HATE THIS inferiority complex! Please please please don't go read her blog ever again...............this sucks!

When I finally thought I could achieve something and endure myself for a bit longer......I guess not. Okay, that's fine.

What can I do to become something? I need to lose some weight, yes. I also need to do something about my hair, clothes and nails. And my face. But what? My hair is killing me!

I'd like to be more girly and cute and pretty but.....this hair absolutely kills all my struggles. I seriously don't know what to do with it.

( Wanna see what I mean? )

The best thing about this is that I overslept (kinda intentionally) so I didn't go to school. This leads to a problem that I can't go to buy food or for a walk. But if I am sick, I shouldn't do either.

Glad we have some lasagne left. But I'm not sure if I want to eat it. It must be the worst lasagne I've ever cooked.

But I wanna go oouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut. This sucks asddf@"#%/&(%¤£$@fg

Damn my neck hurts.

Nothing lifts your mood better than losing weight!

Really,  -2,3kg and I'm practically jumping around <3 Still a long, long way to go, but! I don't mind.

Something to keep me going:

-10kg: new jeans
-15kg: She wants revenge hoodie
-20kg: new shoes
-25kg: new outfit


And trust me, people. I really have 25kg to lose. That's going to take some time but I don't mind <3 Now I'm going to think of dates. Ah, I'm so excited!!!!!


Ah, new She wants revenge is weird but I like it <3